The Necklace

Why push the boundaries of my self-declared comfort zone, when it’s just so…comfortable?

My fabulous friend gifted this answer to me when she passed along a Versace choker she no longer wanted.

My friend, she is fabulous in every way, beautiful, stylish, confident, generous, and ebullient. At 60-something she charms and delights everyone she meets – and men of all ages, from the legendary Quincy Jones who flirted with her in an inky jazz bar at the Montreux Jazz Festival in Switzerland to the twenty-something server while we lunched outside during a sweltering heat wave in Zurich.

A concert cellist who performed in the Hong Kong Philharmonic Orchestra in her twenties, she has told me stories of finding red roses in her cello case from mysterious men. She is worldly, yet endearingly innocent and she emits love and faith through devastating loss which makes her energy and life even more remarkable.  The only thing that inspires me more than her gracious resilience and bravery is her style. When I visit, we sit in her closet for hours sipping Ruinart Brut Rosé, looking at her fabulous jewelry, Cartier, BVLGARI, Gucci, and visiting the clothes, while the score from La Traviata crescendos in the background. She tries on her favorite ball gowns, telling me the stories of their memories hidden in the folds. To me these are magical hours, exclaiming over Lanvin, Prada, Rochas and all the places these fabulous clothes have been. Places like Art Basel, Lake Como, and the G8.

Sometimes she will pass along something she no longer wears. This never fails to delight me. A shearling coat, Prada, with a sequined appliqué and beading around the collar. Some of the beading has fallen off, but I don’t care, it’s still just fabulous. There was a Moncler ski jacket with a fur collar, a camel-colored Prada sweater with an oversized collar, and an LBD. The memories now are mine, I wore the coat ice skating, the first visit I made to meet my husband’s family. The Moncler, smoking cigars with friends in the early spring on the balcony of my high-rise, and I lent the LBD to my sister for my father’s funeral.

But there was one piece that can only be for the truly extraordinary moment. It’s a necklace, a choker with a wide collar of silk rope, and a large glass cross that hangs from it. It’s Versace and it fits my neck perfectly. But for most of its life with me it has sat displayed in my closet waiting to be worn. It’s such a special piece, I have created outfits around it. Rather than deciding a dress or blouse or shoe I am in the mood to wear, then finishing with the accessory, the choker is chosen first and I build an outfit just for that necklace. And like any favorite item of clothing that is how it should be.

The second issue with the necklace is that, though it’s striking, I am not sure it is really me.  And that perhaps is why I struggle wear it. So how do I bend this piece to who I am and wear this necklace in a way that I feel confident and still comfortable in my skin?

I believe there are two ways to approach putting a wardrobe together – contrasting complementary or repeating a theme all the way through. The former creates a pleasing contradiction, the other a subtle harmony.  Both lend interest and detail to a minimal wardrobe style.

The first time I wore the necklace, I chose an outfit to play the foil to drama of the piece. First, the juxtaposition of drama and yet appealing in its simplicity – a crisp white cotton blouse. The open collar held the necklace perfectly in its frame. Next, I paired a black velvet, high-waisted, flared skirt that hit just above the knee. I chanced upon the skirt picking through a January sale at Sandro in London one rainy afternoon – a random buy without a vision for where it fit in my wardrobe that I rarely make. I find those hardly ever work out for me and I end up giving them away or reselling.  The fit and flare silhouette of the skirt gave it a vintage feel that feels both elegant and playful. On my feet, a round toe platform pump with a steep pitch by Brian Atwood in a muted silver. The round toe played to the shape and mood of the skirt, the high pitch and platform referenced a 1950’s profile, the muted tone would not compete against the necklace. My other jewelry was minimal of course. The effect was that the necklace remained the focal point of the look. You couldn’t miss it, but the ingenue character of the rest of the outfit meant it balanced what could be a darker, edgier look.

The second and only other time I have worn the necklace, I paired it with an all-black look, long, wide-leg trousers, a close-fitting black velvet blazer, and lace-trimmed camisole. The blazer matched the drama of the necklace, but the trousers, more professional, grounded it. I wore a black pointed toe stiletto – my absolute favorite shoe silhouette with a trouser, whether skinny or full. The effect of this outfit with the necklace was more out of my comfort zone and yet, I was alone on this occasion, a solo night out two days before Christmas, that included first Marcel, a moody French steakhouse, and then my beloved Christmas tradition, the Nutcracker ballet. Being alone meant no one knew my tinge of discomfort in my more dramatic look. It was as if I had freedom to be creative and play the part I wanted to play for just that evening.

And that brings me to my conclusion and really my point – pushing your own fashion boundary. The power of a fashion piece that takes us a little outside who we are is that rather than see it as pretending or being in costume, it has the ability of opening a part of us that perhaps is already there, we just don’t own it yet – we haven’t leaned in quite yet, fearful of how others may judge or perceive, or how that judgment might make us feel.  I would have never purchased that choker – it was far too outside my comfort zone; I know what I like, and I rarely veer from it. But it was a gift. And it helped me step into something within myself I would later need.  My part that night was a confident, 40-something woman, comfortable with who she is and living the journey of becoming with a sense of adventure, not giving thought to what people may think of her.

Personal Style Lessons:
Embrace Fashion as Self-Discovery – Wearing pieces outside your comfort zone can help you explore new aspects of your personality and confidence. Rather than discarding bold or outside-your-comfort-zone fashion choices, view them as an opportunity to express hidden parts of yourself or even grow you into a more authentic version of you.
Build Outfits Around a Statement Piece – Instead of choosing accessories as an afterthought, start with a striking item (like a necklace or a belt) and construct an outfit around it. This approach allows you to highlight unique pieces while keeping the overall look cohesive.
Contrast vs. Harmony in Wardrobe Styling – You can style an outfit in two ways: by contrasting elements like masculine and feminine or edgy and demure (e.g., a pleated skirt with a leather jacket) or by reinforcing a theme (e.g., an all-black, dramatic look).
 

Personal Styling with In-Form and Fashion - Whether it’s building a capsule wardrobe, refreshing your closet for the season, or reinventing your style—I'm here to help you align fashion with your personal journey of growth and self-expression.