Live the Life You Have

Live the life you have. This has been a guiding principle for me for well over a decade now, and if I am honest, one I feel proud to have lived into with integrity. It has meant I didn’t live my life waiting for something other or different or something to happen. It meant that I adventured places alone, if I simply needed a change I could move, if I didn’t make toast, I didn’t need to have a toaster cluttering my kitchen countertop, and my living room was not child friendly. It has meant living truly and fully.

And then, I found myself sitting on the floor of my closet, surveying the mess around me, and not knowing what to do.

New town, new house, new closet, and new closet floor. It was an unplanned, in two short months the decision to say yes to a new job was made, a home purchased, and I moved halfway across the country trailing behind a lumbering U-Haul of belongings.

I sat paralyzed on the floor, having come undone by how to fit my clothes into a too small and terribly designed closet. This was the challenge that triggered my meltdown, but it wasn’t really.  It was the question of my guiding principle.

As I unboxed and unwrapped my clothes, hanging them in any organized fashion was proving to be an impossible feat.  Unpacking, organizing, reorganizing are tasks with outcomes that usually bring me great pleasure. Discovering how to fill a new space or inhabit an existing one differently are challenges that bring me deep satisfaction.  But this one brought distress that turned to grief. I didn’t know how to fill the new space and worse, I didn’t fit it. At least the life I had lived would not be contained into this small space.

I hung and rehung then moved again, an asymmetrical black skirt by Balenciaga that I found in an outlet shop in Zurich and the Stella McCartney dress I purchased to attend a wedding in the English countryside. Of course, it rained, it was a real life About Time and as the soft walls of the white tent shuddered in the wind gusts, I shivered in the soggy dampness all afternoon and evening despite the fact that it was August. The shoes that I amazingly found to match the blush and blue pastoral print of the dress – mauve patent Valentino Rockstuds I found in the Seoul airport on a flight delay were taken from another box. Then a Ralph Lauren black tuxedo, the first iteration Zac Posen brocade skirt, Saint Laurent Tribute platforms in black velvet I picked up in Paris, a creamy ivory colored wrap skirt by Co, Prada D’Orsay heels in turquoise and gold brocade that unexpectedly elevate a pair of jeans and a white blouse,  and the Michael Kors black cocktail dress I wore for my fortieth and then again my forty-sixth birthday.

The thing is most of these items and really most of my closet I haven’t worn in five years or more. They were from a life I used to live but no longer do. And while I have given away or resold so many pieces that used to be a part of my regular rotations, these are the special ones, I just haven’t wanted to part with. But as I struggle to find a place to arrange Manolo BBs in bright orange, yellow, and blue, that I know I have no place to wear I wonder what the point of keeping all these things is. I wonder should I give it all away, and have only in my closet clothes that reflect the life I live today?

And then, I wonder, what will happen to who I was, and who I still am in this space that it seems I can’t fit into.  

It’s so much more than things, brands, designers, material possessions. It is really the question of, do I accept the life I now have and simply set about living it, or do I save these pieces hoping I will be able to create a life again that can hold these things of beauty? And a life that can hold me.

And the thing is as I write this, I haven’t answered this question. If I am really living the life I have do I need these clothes anymore? The answers are about living the life I have and am I ready to do that with acceptance. But it’s also about, perhaps thinking way too much about what people think. Why wouldn’t I wear a pair of fabulous heels to a little local coffee shop? Why wouldn’t I wear a cigarette pant suit with a white T and sneaker to lunch or an LBD on a dinner date? I don’t anymore because I worry people will think, who does she think she is?   They will judge or think something of me that I don’t give my consent to. In their eyes I will be a different person than the one I know myself to be. I might be misunderstood, disapproved of, spoken unkindly about, not liked.

But what if living the life I actually have today doesn’t mean I have to forget or discard who I was? What if living the life I have means openness to the possibilities? To the not knowing. To the continuing of becoming.

I didn’t get rid of the clothes. I wasn’t ready. I somehow made it all fit. It’s not pretty, and the space is still too small, though a few standing shelves and bins and baskets helped. But I think it’s holding on to hope more than holding on to the past. I didn’t think hope was still in there, but I guess it turns out, it is.

I just turned fifty. I made a list of 50 things I will do this year of my fiftieth. One of them is to wear whatever I want. Another is to get really dressed up for a night out to dinner. The whole list of 50 to-dos though is about living the life I have, true to who I am and who I want to be free to be in this decade – grounded in truth to myself, always learning, and a whole lot less energy given over to what people may or may not think about me. This decade will ask that bravery of me, and who knows what I will be wearing for it.

Personal Style Lessons:
Celebrate Dressing – Make a ritual of getting truly dressed up, whether for a dinner out, a solo date, or just because it feels good.

Allow Fashion to Hold Your Story, Not Your Fear – Keep the pieces that remind you of beautiful moments, but don’t let fear of judgment dictate your style. Dress as a reflection of who you are today, without erasing the journey that brought you here.

Wear What You Love, Anywhere – Don’t reserve special or cherished items for only an unknown future. Style them in new ways that fit your current life and embrace the joy of dressing up for yourself, regardless of other people’s expectations.

Personal Styling with In-Form and Fashion – Whether it’s building a capsule wardrobe, refreshing your closet for the season, or reinventing your style—I’m here to help you align fashion with your personal journey of growth and self-expression.